Hello Friends and Family!! This news letter is a little bit different than anything I’ve written to you before. As most of you know I’ve been living in Lakeside Montana, in a 2 year commitment with YWAM here. Nothing about this season has been what I expected it to be. From the work, to relationships in my life, the difficulties of stepping into a new leadership role and pretty quickly being faced with some difficult circumstances, I often found myself thinking “This is not what I was expecting. This isn’t what I signed up for.” This was difficult, because I expected this season and job to challenge me a lot and to be hard. But I didn’t expect to be deeply questioning if I was even in the right place. I’ve still never once questioned my passion and desire for missions, but I began considering moving home, having a season with family and loved ones, and getting more involved in my local church (Central) as a legitimate next step in my walk with Jesus and following his call to reach the unreached. As doors felt like they were closing with YWAM, exciting doors began opening in Sioux Falls as well.
As I mentioned in my last news letter, moving back to Papua New Guinea and serving for a longer time on the ship was also an option I was considering— But as I prayed and considered all that this would mean, I quite honestly felt a sense of aloneness. I reflected over the past 3 years with YWAM, all that the Lord has done, all I’ve learned, all the places I’ve gone. The goodbyes, the moves, the flights and drives alone from one home to another have been some of the hardest parts. I went to Kona mostly alone, and then went to India with a new group of people that I didn’t know well until getting there. I moved to Montana knowing one person, and virtually starting over again. Moving back to Montana I was in a new department (DTS instead of SBS) and working with all new people again. Then I led a team with a co-leader I didn’t know well and students I’d just met, knowing none of us would likely continue life together after. Then I was considering moving back to the ship alone— in all of this reflection I realized two things:
In this journey with the Lord he has grown in me so much dependance on Him, intimacy and closeness with him, and wonder for who He is and the good plans He has for His people. God has undoubtedly used this journey, the goodbyes, the starting over, the solo traveling, even the moments of loneliness, for my good and His glory. That’s what He does, that’s who He is.
The other realization I had is that while I wouldn’t trade these three years for anything— this isn’t what I want longterm. I want to go with people. I want to be deeply known by people. If/when I go, I want to be deeply connected to a community back home. I’ve been so laser focused on missions these past 3 years, which again, I believe that God has used. But it’s often caused me to feel like deep relationships are a distraction. I’ve subconsciously believed that it was better for me to do things on my own— make my own plans, my own decisions, etc., because inviting others to join would slow me down and distract me from my goal. A scripture the Lord has really put on my heart and been teaching me about is 1 Corinthians 12— He’s really been challenging this independence in me. Do I actually believe that we as the body are stronger together, like He says we are, like He created us to be? I’ve had the realization that I don’t want to be a “succesful missionary” who sacrificed loving and knowing people deeply in order to accomplish my work. And while I don’t think that’s who I am, I think that could have been my trajectory.
So I’m continuing to do my best to follow where I think the Lord is leading, and for now I think that’s home, with my family, my friends, and the people who I think will be in my life for a long time. I never thought I’d have the desire to move back home indefinitely; I think that in itself could only be a miracle from God ;) I’ve treasured this journey in missions so deeply, it’s such a part of who I am. The idea of moving home always like giving that up, like taking a step backwards. But now I’m beginning to deeply desire to be at home. I’m trusting that the Lord will have His way in my life and I’m trusting HIM (not my own control, not an organization or a location) to continue to grow and guide my heart for missions while at home.
I would not be who I am today without these 3 years with YWAM— this organization is the primary tool that God has used to grow in me a burning heart for the nations, to make me more into His image, to capture my heart with His character and who He is, to show me what passionately worshiping and following Him can look like, to teach me how to pray and study the Bible, to grow in me a heart of serving and generosity and discipleship. I’ve needed every moment of these three years to get me to where I’m at today. Leaving any earlier would have felt scary, I would have felt unsure of if I could continue faithfully and passionately following Jesus and pursing missions while at home. But now I feel a deep peace and excitement— I feel excited and ready to carry all I’ve learned and gained through YWAM home, and then some day, Lord willing, to an unreached people and place that I could adopt as my own. That is still my deepest passion and desire.
As I’ve began to transition out of YWAM, my heart for missions has actually grown and been burning brighter than ever. I’m so convinced that unreached people are a priority in God’s heart, and that that heart is not just for YWAM but for His body as a whole. His command to make disciples of ALL nations, His love displayed on the cross for the WORLD— this includes the 3 billion people around the world who are unreached and living in darkness without any hope of eternity, love or salvation. My heart breaks and I’ve cried many tears over this injustice. I feel deeply burdened when I look at the resources we have in America— 100s of English Bible translations, hundreds of thousands of churches, unlimited access to Bible teaching, and so much more. Yet there are still so many entire people groups and places that don’t have one Bible translation. Don’t have one believer. Don’t have one church. No one is worshiping there. No one is teaching or preaching there. Ironically, leaving this missions organization, my heart is burning for these things more than ever— and I’m taking that as the Lord’s confirmation that I’m headed in the right direction. Although it’s unknown and unexpected, I know the Lord goes with me, and I’m expectant for how He’s going to move in the unknown :)
I will be leaving Montana September 20 and driving back to Sioux Falls. My plans right now are to get very involved at Central church, I’ll be going on a mission trip with Central to Ethiopia in May! I’m incredibly excited to put roots down in a local church— I joined Central about half way through my YWAM journey, but because I was never home for long, I’ve never felt like I could really embrace or fully be a part of it. I’m so excited now to deepen relationships there and find how I can contribute my talents, time and resources to serving the local church as well as the Sioux falls community. I’ll also be working part time at Coffea as well as starting back up my photography business; I’m passionate about these two jobs and also view them as a mission field— both allow me to interact in unique and deep ways with people which excited me greatly! I’m hoping to spend a lot of time with my family, my boyfriend Max, and spend some quality time resting. I’m eager to see, embrace and join in what God is doing in the “nation” of Sioux Falls! I hope to continue sharing the stories and convictions that I’ve picked up during these three years.
Thank you all for reading this letter, as well as my many news letters I’ve sent out over the past three years. I hope to continue writing and sharing my thoughts, but it will look a little different now. Thank you all for the incredible love and support you’ve shown me along this crazy journey, and please reach out if you ever want to hear more!
Sidney
So excited to have you back home and know the Lord has used these last three years for building what’s next! So proud of you, Sid!